


Sir Meowsalot

by AnxiousVillain



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: I suck at writing and regret everything, JD sucks at being sneaky, JDox, M/M, established JDox, what the hell even is this??????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 20:56:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11471529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiousVillain/pseuds/AnxiousVillain
Summary: Perry has a very, very specific list of what cannot under any circumstances be allowed inside his Porsche; no messy food, no drinks except water (they used to be allowed, until the root-beer incident a few months ago, after which Perry realised JD could not be trusted with anything.) and absolutely no animals.Within time, JD breaks all three of these rules.(Also known as ;JD 'subtly' tries to smuggle a stray cat home, and Perry is an outer jerk but softie at heart.')





	Sir Meowsalot

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I have to confess; I have over a dozen semi-written JDOX fics of various different genres both in the notes on my phone and in my word documents. And in a notebook as well. Because I am disorganised af.  
> I only began watching scrubs a few months ago, as well- but right from the first season I was hooked on Perry and JD's relationship (cough cough and the sexual tension between them cough cough) and pretty soon, I fell into the pit of anguish and despair where nightmares are born that is more commonly known as 'having a new OTP'.  
> Of all the fics I've tried and failed to write, this is somehow the one that ended up getting finished. I don't know why, considering it is pretty pathetic and plotless- but then again, most things I write turn out like some strange frankenstein's monster lovechild of all the weird mindframes I've been in when writing them, so what do I have to say?  
> Please, if you read this travesty, comment, even if it's just to say "that sucked and was really OOC,".
> 
> Also, this is set somewhere vaguely season 5-ish, because seasons 4 and 5 especially slayed me with their JD/Cox interactions.

Perry’s still a little iffy on the whole idea of letting JD into his Porsche. Yes, he and Newbie have been dating for a significant amount of time now, and yes, he genuinely does like the kid’s presence in his life. But JD is still an annoying twerp, and he still reminds his… well… boyfriend of that several times a day. (JD always grins like an idiot at that now, because he thinks it’s a term of endearment to be called annoying. And, well, it sort of is; Perry may say it gruffly, but he means it affectionately. Not that he’ll ever admit to it, of course.)

And JD likes to constantly laud the fact that he’s now “always allowed” in the Porsche over Perry. Quite often by some kind of strange, improvised little song-and-dance routine, where JD will warble out something along the lines of ‘ _You said I’d never, ride in this car! But I’m in the Porsche, that’s where I are! I mean… am! But am doesn’t rhyyyyyyyme!_ ’ Until Perry smacks him lightly on the shoulder to shut him up. Or sometimes kisses him, because covering his mouth is a pretty effective way to both silence and distract JD.

There are also numerous other things that JD riding in his car thrusts upon Perry; for one, his car smells of JD now, even when he’s just in it alone. Not that Perry minds that; not by a long shot. He will, in his own words, ‘never, ever, ever, ever, ever, e- _hever_ ,’ admit it, but the way JD smells is actually quite nice. It’s a mix of several hair care products and ‘cologne’ that Perry knows for a fact is actually women’s perfume, that JD just switches the label on the bottle. But when people aren’t looking, Perry quite likes inhaling a lungful of that so-distinctly-JD scent, and smiling slightly to himself. Just _slightly_ smiling, mind you; he’s still Perry Cox, and smiling isn’t exactly his forte.

Other things, however, are much more annoying. For a start, JD pouts and whines his way into being allowed to put on his own mix tapes, music that under no circumstances would Perry ever be caught dead listening to otherwise. JD’s mixtapes contain excessive amounts of nasal-sounding female pop songs, which make Perry want to (and sometimes actually go ahead and do) bang his head against the horn of the steering wheel to try and drown them out. Worse, still, is that JD knows every word, and does exaggerated little dancing and miming along with the songs, sometimes trying to get Perry to join in. Perry does not.  
Another thing is that JD has a penchant for pointing out every single thing he sees as they drive along. He has a ridiculous attention span, and gets so excited over nothing- ‘ _Oh, look! Those people are walking Poodles! Perry! Perry! Look! Those poodles have little jackets on!_ ’- which means that every drive they go on results in JD squealing several facts that Perry does not exactly care about.

The worst part, however? The worst part is that JD brings ‘forbidden’ things into the car.

Perry has a very, very specific list of what cannot under any circumstances be allowed inside his Porsche. (Actually, JD used to be on that list himself, but Perry lets that one slide since he sort of possibly maybe loves the idiot kid.) The list is fairly straightforward; no messy food, no drinks except water (they used to be allowed, until the root-beer incident a few months ago, after which Perry realised JD could not be trusted with anything.) and absolutely no animals.

The first rule JD breaks the third time he gets inside the Porsche. Perry waits for him, and JD slides inside with a sticky popsicle that’s already half melted all over his hand.

“Newbie, get rid of it,” Perry demands immediately. JD whines and protests for a good two minutes (“ _But it’s Strawberry flavoured! Turk usually eats all the strawberry ones before I can get a chance to_!”) until Perry grabs the stupid thing out JD’s hand and throws it out his own window.

“You know, if your hand is sticky, it’s your own fault,” JD says haughtily. But, thankfully, he doesn’t make the mistake of bringing potential drip-hazards into the car again.

The second Porsche rule JD breaks pretty quickly, as well, but at least tries to be sneakier about it. The problem is that JD’s ‘being sneaky’ is still fairly blatant, and so he seems to think that Perry won’t notice he’s ‘subtly’ taking loud slurps from a straw sticking out of his backpack.

“What is it?” Perry sighs, and JD tries to act innocent.

“What? What’s _what_? What is _that,_ do you mean?” He points randomly at something outside the car. “ _That_ , my dear Perry, is a tree…”

Perry reaches over, unzipping JD’s bag briskly to reveal the bottle of Coke that’s wedged in there, and JD gives him a sheepish look.

“Oh… _that_.”

But the third rule is one that Perry doesn’t exactly expect JD to break. Because maybe JD does get up to a lot of ridiculous, childish things, but Perry can’t foresee JD actually bringing a live animal into any of his shenanigans. He’s not _that_ immature, after all. Well, Perry at least hopes he isn’t, anyway.

And yet, it turns out that JD does indeed break the third rule of what is and isn’t allowed in the Porsche.

* * *

 

It’s a horribly rainy day, and JD’s shift is supposed to have ended almost a half hour ago. Perry’s waiting for him in the Porsche, which has become routine- especially on rainy days, because JD would probably kill himself trying to drive a scooter in the rain.  Of course, that does have the downside of JD shaking out his wet hair inside the car, but it’s more annoying to have JD showing up at his door soaking wet and practically sobbing. (Something that has actually happened before, and which was half amusing, because Perry likes to laugh at the misfortune of others especially his boyfriend- and half irritating, because JD tramped mud through the apartment and dropped blatant hints that he wanted Perry to make him hot chocolate and snuggle. Which he did, eventually, despite claiming to ‘not enjoy it.’)

But JD is late, and Perry is getting irritated; the windshield wipers are making a repetitive squeak against the glass of the screen and it’s grating on his nerves. He’s paged JD, his messages getting increasingly more impatient- starting with _Hey, Newbie, where are you?_ and escalating to the most recent one; _You have exactly one minute or I’m driving back and you can run after the car_.

But finally, JD runs (in that awkward, flailing way that he does) towards the car, looking even more dishevelled than usual. By the time he reaches the passenger door of the Porsche, his hair is soaking wet and flat against his skull, and his clothes have large wet splotches all down them.

“You look like someone tried to drown you, Rita. I don’t blame them, really,” Perry greets him with a snort, and JD merely smirks, having known for quite some time now that insults are pretty much Perry’s form of compliments.

“Hey, I’ll have you know no one has tried to drown me _all month_ ,” he says matter-of-factly, and Perry doesn’t even question that, since he knows that a certain Janitor has come up with a few disturbing yet ingenious ways of almost-drowning JD. “The only problem is that my hair, which was looking absolutely _perfect_ today, is now ruined…”

As Perry pulls out the parking lot and begins the drive to his apartment (JD pretty much unofficially lives at Perry’s now, because although Turk may be JD’s best friend and Carla may be Perry’s, spending too much time with them means that they have Turk making tactless remarks and Carla asking probing questions, neither of which they particularly enjoy. The last time Perry stayed over at JD’s apartment, he woke up to the sound of JD sitting by the wall and stage-whispering the proud fact that he had ‘scored twice,’, then a groan from the other side followed by Turk’s muffled voice complaining that ‘ _Dude! I so do **not** want to think of Doctor Cox that way!_ ’ After that, Perry started moving JD’s clothes into his closet _himself_ , if only to try and avoid having Gandhi ever hear his sex life again.), he notices pretty quickly that something is up with JD. The kid seems to be even more lost in his thoughts than normal (which is saying something, considering the amount of time he spends daydreaming in a ‘normal’ scenario,), and he’s clutching his backpack tightly to his chest. The backpack, for the record, is also unzipped, the sleeves of JD’s used scrubs from the day poking out the top. JD, however, almost never leaves his bag open- he’s told Perry no less than four times the ‘tragic’ story of when he left his bag open, and the Candy bar he’d been saving until later fell out of it.

Perry initially decides not to question it, choosing to assume that JD’s probably just smuggled more soda into the car in his backpack, and that he can give the kid a pass just this once. Except then, JD keeps ‘subtly’ sneaking glances into said backpack, or even sticking a couple of fingers in there, and Perry grows suspicious.

“Newbie, why don’t you chuck your bag into the backseat?” he suggests casually, testing JD. Immediately, JD’s face is struck with panic, and he shakes his head. (Droplets of water from his hair splatter across Perry’s face as he does this, and Perry makes an irritated noise.)

“No… it’s okay…” He pats the backpack gently. “It… keeps my lap warm!”

Perry’s eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. JD really is a terrible liar, and the pinched look on his face right now shows that he’s just bursting with some secret. He’s obviously hiding something in his backpack, something that he probably knows Perry won’t exactly love…

“ _Mrrow._ ”

Perry freezes. Oh, Dear God, _no_. JD better not have done what he has a sinking suspicion the kid has…

“Shelley,” Perry says slowly, voice low in a way that JD knows by now means he’s fighting hard not to throw a tantrum. “Please, for the love of God, tell me that you made that sound, hereby furthering your place in the world as a small girly animal, and that you do _nawt_ have a cat in that bag of yours.”

JD’s only response is to grin and giggle like an excited child.

“ _Cat in the bag!_ Get it! It’s like the expression!” He smirks, until Perry amps up the force of his glare, and JD looks away. Perry manages to hold in the building irritation until he’s parked in the garage beneath his apartment complex, then he turns to JD and tries again.

“Is. There. A. Cat?”

His question is answered by a squirming movement inside JD’s backpack, followed by another muffled meow, and JD swallows deeply.

“Define Cat?” He asks pathetically. Perry snorts through his teeth and snatches the backpack from JD’s hands with a muttered _Gimme that_ , pulling it further open and checking inside. Sure enough, JD’s scrubs have been wrapped into a makeshift nest, and inside said nest is a tiny grey creature that is probably a kitten, but that is so drenched that right now honestly looks more like a skinny rat.

Perry is silent for a few minutes, glaring down at the kitten stuffed inside JD’s bag.

“I found him eating leftovers under the dumpster on my way out. I’m thinking of naming him Sir Meowsalot,” JD supplies helpfully, and Perry looks up at him, lost for words.

“Huh,” He says finally, head whipping back and forth between the kitten (which is squirming, now, apparently fed up with being stuck in a bag) and JD, who doesn’t seem to see the problem with this.

“Newbie…” He shakes his head. “No. Nuh-nuh-nuh-no. Bad Newbie.” Perry pauses, cards a hand through his hair and winces. “Jesus, kid, did you even listen to the rules I told you about the Porsche, or were you just busy thinking about your next slumber party with Gandhi when I explained them? No animals in the Porsche. Hell, while we’re at it… no animals at _all._ ”

JD’s response is to dig into the bag and pull out the tiny kitten, which mewls and wriggles in his hands as he holds it up.

“But he’s fluffy!”

Perry continues to glare with a fierce vengeance at the cat, hoping that it’ll get the message of just how unwelcome it is. He’s never seen a less fluffy animal, actually, because right now the cat’s fur is still so wet that its slicked back against its body, making its ears and eyes look freakishly big and its tail like a little piece of string.

“He’s soaking wet and _disgusting_ ,” Perry growls, and JD looks as if he’s just been told that Santa isn’t real; his face is horrified, as if he can’t believe that Perry would insult a kitten to its face. (But really, Newbie’s known him long enough that he shouldn’t be at all surprised by that.)

“If you think you are bringing that… weasel thing into my apartment, then I’m telling you now, Newbie;” Perry takes a deep, dramatic breath and holds up his hands for emphasis. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no… and… Ah- _nooooo_.” He pauses, shifts his glare from the kitten to JD. “Did I get through to the brain I know you have somewhere under all that hair gel and bobby pins?”

But deep down, Perry has a growing suspicion that JD will get his way on this, no matter how opposed he is to it. JD always seems to get his way, despite the long-winded rants Perry will throw his way to try and discourage him. And the look of sheer adoration on JD’s face when he looks down at the stupid skinny little kitten in Newbie’s hands leads Perry to suspect that if he completely opposes JD bringing the cat into what is all but officially their apartment now, then JD will be sulky and whingy for the next few weeks.

“I don’t like cats,” Perry huffs, still stubbornly trying to get his own way for as long as he can. JD merely clicks his tongue, as if that answer is invalid.

“People _claim_ they don’t like cats… but take one look at this little face and tell me that your heart doesn’t just melt with sheer joy at the sight!” He sniffs knowingly, before apparently deciding to prove his point and just shove the kitten into Perry’s face.

“My heart has never melted with sheer joy, nor will it e- _hever_ do so, Marie.” Perry objects, now more to the kitten than to JD, considering the tiny animal’s now squirming in JD’s hands about half an inch away from Perry’s nose. With any luck, Perry thinks, the kitten will see the hostility in his eyes and hiss at him or even try to scratch him, therefore giving him more reason to hate it and object to its presence.

The kitten, however, does not; it just stares at Perry with its ridiculously big eyes. Its eyes are blue, wide and frustratingly naïve; dear God, now it reminds him of JD. And for a second he has to actually concede that yes, the thing is cute- but then he recoils in disgust. Something cute? Hell, no, he is not going to be won over by _another_ scrawny, wide-eyed fluffy animal. (The first, of course, being JD.)

“Look, fleabag,” Perry waves a finger in the cat’s face, as if the kitten can somehow understand his rants. “Go find someone else to bother, or eat some of the rats in the park next door, I don’t care, but…”

He’s cut off, however, when the kitten presses a horrifically cute, tiny paw against his face and makes a squeaking noise. JD is practically bouncing in his seat at that.

“See? He loves you?”

“I hate him,” Perry says gruffly, determined not to let the eyes of this maliciously cute little animal strip down his resolve.

“But look at his little tail!”

Perry looks. “If he’s lifting it up like that to piss in my Porsche then God help me, I will neuter him by hand.”

JD’s answer to this is to merely dump the kitten on Perry’s lap, as if having such a cute fluffy (in theory, anyway) animal on his lap is going to suddenly change his mind. Perry tenses as the kitten sniffs around, horrified at the mere concept of a kitten being this close to him. A kitten is **far** too cute, and small, and _sweet_ , and therefore the epitome of all the things Perry claims to despise.

“Newbie… Get this thing off me.” He demands. JD, the little nuisance that he is, does not concede and instead leans back, a smug grin on his irritating face.

“It’s okay, Perry… It’s alright to get in touch with your softer side from time to time…” JD says condescendingly, because he knows that things like that drive Perry absolutely insane. Perry makes a strangled noise of disgust from somewhere in his throat.

“I will murder you in your sleep.”

“We both know you love me too much.” JD pats him on the arm. Before Perry can object to that, the kitten that’s somehow still on his lap tucks its paws underneath itself and settles down, apparently content. What the hell is with this animal? No matter how much hostility he shows the kitten, it doesn’t seem to care.

“Aw, Sir Meowsalot, do you like snuggling with your other Daddy?” JD coos down at the cat, and that’s when Perry snaps, shoving the kitten off his lap and back into JD’s hands.

“No. I am _nawt_ , nor will I ever be, some little fleabag’s _Daddy_.” He shakes his head fiercely; the fact that JD accused him of _snuggling_ with the damn cat is just too cloyingly sweet for Perry to handle. “Keep the stupid cat all you want, but it stays at your place, with Gandhi and Carla. Because I’m telling you, Newbie, that… thing is not setting foot-”

JD holds up a finger to interrupt him. “Ah, technically, it would be setting _paw_ , not foot…”

Perry shoots JD a look that means he’s absolutely not in the mood. “Foot, claw, I don’t care,” (he chooses to ignore JD muttering _Paw_ again in correction at that) “That wannabe-dog is not ever allowed in my apartment. Call your little wifey Gandhi, and get him to take it back to your place, _now._ ” He knows that JD usually spends more time at his than at his own place, and therefore he would see the kitten significantly less, but Perry tells himself he doesn’t care; Carla loves animals, and so she’d probably end up unofficially adopting the damned thing herself after a while. The fact that he’s admitted to his soft spot for JD has already taken a toll on his reputation as a cold asshole incapable of love- he is not going to have himself seem even weaker now by taking care of, or even interacting with at all, something as sickeningly cute as a kitten.

He expects JD to pout and whine about it- but strangely enough, JD doesn’t. He doesn’t protest as he calls Turk, to Perry’s extreme surprise. Perry expected JD to throw the mother of all tantrums at this (JD’s tantrums definitely rival a toddler’s.), and yet he just keeps grinning to himself, a knowing look in his eyes. Perry’s initially relieved, but also a little suspicious.

“I hate the cat,” He throws out there again, just to hammer the point home and see if JD reacts. JD just looks at him with a knowing smile.

“Whatever you say,” His voice is patronising, making Perry’s lip curl. Damn the kid. Perry suspects that the reason he’s not upset is because he believes deep down that he’ll get his way eventually. Perry resents that, and also resents the fact that it’s probably true.

* * *

In bed, later that night, Perry finds his thoughts stuck on the stupid cat. He can’t sleep- possibly due to the fact that his sleeping schedule is messed up from his recent late shift, but more likely due to the fact that Newbie is snoring quite loudly beside him- and he wonders just why he cared so much. Perry generally only gets so passionate about hating something if he, in fact, doesn’t hate it but wants to pretend he does; first it happened with Jordan, and then JD.

Hell, he even felt a twinge of guilt when Turk had showed up and JD had handed the kitten over to him; Turk had squealed surprisingly femininely in excitement at the mere idea of ‘all the cool stuff they could do with the cat (God, Perry didn’t even want to know), only to sulk when JD thought the name Sir Meowsalot was still better than Turk’s own suggestion of _McNugget_.) JD had been far less whiny about it than he should have been- Perry wanted to think that maybe it was because JD was getting more mature, but he knew that was a lie; this was _Newbie_ , the kid who sulked for three days and snapped at everyone after his favourite hair gel was discontinued.

The thing that pisses him off the most about the stupid cat is that no matter how much he outwardly expressed his dislike for it, the kitten didn’t seem to get the message. Hell, it snuggled down on his lap looking perfectly content- and god damn it, Perry Cox is not the type of person who wants to be seen holding little furry animals.

But, just maybe he did think the stupid little fleabag was… well, cute. Deep down, of course, beneath his usual hateful shell. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? He shows any sign of weakness- or, well, any positive emotion whatsoever, and then people will stop seeing him as _Doctor Cox: delightfully spiteful asshole_. It’s bad enough that after spending so much time and energy trying to contain it, he finally gave in and admitted his feelings for JD. That was one hell of a weakness; falling for his unintentional protegee, the living embodiment of every character trait that Perry claims to despise, is not exactly fitting for the kind of character that Perry likes to project. And somehow having a pet together, especially one as cutesy and tiny as a kitten ( _I mean, really, Newbie, a kitten??? It couldn’t even be something manly, like a bulldog- Nooo, it had to be the most feminine of all animals_.) is so… domestic, so sweet, that it’s the icing on the cake. It’s just another sign that he’s lost his hard edge and crumbled, giving in to the kind of behaviour he usually shuns.

JD shifts in the bed beside him; his snoring stops (Thank God), but he mumbles something unintelligible, and Perry looks over at him. JD sleeps like a child, curled in a fetal position with his hands clutched under his face and his lips drawn in a pout. His hair has deflated somewhat from its usual style (‘deliberately unruly’, JD calls it; Perry prefers the term _ridiculous_ ) and a few stray locks hang over his forehead.

Perry looks at him for longer than he should, thinking. Maybe being with JD means he’s showing more of his soft side in public, and maybe that does detract from his usual hard-ass image. But maybe it’s… also kind of worth it.

Perry sighs, resigned to what he’s about to agree to, and nudges JD sharply to wake the kid up.

“Yes, Mister President?” JD mutters wanly as he stirs, apparently still on the tail end of some bizarre dream. Perry snorts at that.

“Unfortunately, Cindy, I’m not president. Yet, at least.” He says bluntly, and JD’s eyes flicker for a moment as the grogginess fades from him.

“Newbie,” Perry begins, and a sleepy grin splits JD’s face.

“Yes… oldbie?”

Perry blinks, then shoots JD a look that he hopes conveys just how murderous he feels at that name.

“First of all- do _nawt_ ever, ever, e- _he_ ver call me that again. Second of all…” Perry’s voice softens just slightly, and he sighs. “Tomorrow, bring the stupid cat back. It can stay here.”

He’s not sure whether or not JD’s reaction affirms his decision was the right idea, or makes him regret it even more- whatever the case, JD practically leaps up with glee, his smile both excited and undoubtedly smug; Perry can see, even in the darkness, a look that says _I told you so_ is evident in his blue eyes and Perry already wants to kick himself.

“I knew you’d cave eventually! No one, not even _you_ , can resist a kitten!” JD gloats- then, as if that weren’t bad enough, he has the audacity to lean over and flick a finger against Perry’s nose, making a patronising ‘ _Boop!_ ’ sound as he does. Perry narrows his eyes once more.

“Amelia. We’ve talked about this. _No_ booping my nose.”

JD’s enthusiasm is undeterred, however, and he leaps out of bed, almost tripping on the bedsheets (Perry smirks at that) as he heads towards the closet door. (Presumably to get dressed, since right now he’s butt naked except for a pair of tight boxers- not exactly an unpleasant view, Perry has to admit.)

“I’m going to get Sir Meowsalot right now!”

Much as it does actually please Perry to see how even more ridiculously happy than usual this has made JD, he can’t help grimacing at that.

“Newbie, for crying out loud, it’s almost two in the morning, you can’t just drive over to get your _cat_ -”

His words are cut off, however, when JD flings open the closet door, and a pair of wide eyes are reflected up at Perry from the darkness of the walk-in. He feels his face harden.

“Explain.”

“I knew you’d change your mind about him.” JD says smugly. “So Turk _actually_ just dropped some stuff over for the little guy, and when you were in the shower I hid him in here.”

Perry lets out a loud, theatrical groan, and flings himself backwards in the bed so that his head hits the pillows with a _thump_.

“I hate you,” he growls.

“What?” JD defends as he crawls back into the bed, beside his extremely pissed-off-boyfriend. “Like I said- I knew you wanted him, really, so what was the point of sending him off with his Uncle Turk when he could just stay here?”

“You are without a doubt the most annoying little twerp I have ever encountered,” Perry insists furiously, though he’s more annoyed with himself for not figuring out that JD would sneak a kitten in no matter what he said. It was obvious, really, when he looks back on it; the fact that JD didn’t even throw a huge tantrum when he was denied the kitten makes more sense, knowing that not only did JD know he’d get his way- but that he also wasn’t even getting rid of the animal at all, in the first place.

He was feeling something dangerously close to guilt at the thought that he’d just stopped JD from keeping the stupid cat, when JD had in fact kept the kitten all along…

‘ _Mrrow?_ ’

He opens his eyes again, before scowling when he realises that the kitten has leapt onto the bed, and is approaching him steadily.

“Scram,” he huffs, now back to being hostile to the cat again, purely because he has been duped about its presence and, quite frankly, Perry does not appreciate that. Yet once again, the kitten doesn’t seem affected by his anger, merely tucking his little paws under him and settling down on Perry’s chest. Perry makes an exaggerated sigh of disgust at that, shaking his head.

“Ya know what? I _hate_ you…”

“You can’t hate him, he’s so cute and innocent,” JD merely responds as he tugs the quilt back up over him, and Perry lets out a growl from the back of his throat. The kitten’s ears twitch ever so slightly at the sound, but it- _he? The cat? Sir Meowsalot?_ (ugh, and what in _hell_ kind of a stupid name is that?)- is otherwise not bothered.

“I meant you, Newbie,” Perry huffs, sounding surprisingly like a petulant child as he does it- maybe he’s always been this immature but has chosen to arrogantly ignore it, or maybe some of JD’s childish mannerisms are rubbing off on him- he hopes to God that it’s the former of the two. JD knows by now that when Perry says ‘ _I hate you,_ ’, it actually means he’s lost an argument, so Perry doesn’t dare look over at his boyfriend as he suspects there’ll be an incredibly smug look on Newbie’s face.

“Night, night, Perry,” JD’s voice is ridiculously condescending- then to add the icing on the cake, he reaches over and pats Perry’s arm, as if he’s reassuring a sulky pre-teen.  He leans over further, his hair irritatingly tickling Perry’s nose, and gives the kitten a luxurious stroke on the head.

“Goodnight, Sir Meowsalot.” JD pauses, then picks up one of the kitten’s miniscule paws, moving it like a puppet and putting on a horrendously squeaky voice that’s apparently meant to be the ‘kitten talking’. “ _Goodnight, JD! Goodnight Perry! Thank you for being such good cat Dads…_ ”

“Newbie.” Perry grumbles, grabbing JD’s wrist. “ _No._ ” Letting the kitten stay is one thing, but he is not going to let JD try and make the poor cat his own mini-me. Or play with the kitten like some glorified stuffed toy, either; the kitten himself looks pretty put-out by JD pulling his paw around, letting out a small indignant noise that sounds a little like ‘ _mrruh!_ ’ and scampering off the bed.

“Does he have a litter?” Perry can’t help asking after a moment, resenting the fact that he actually cares. The sheets rustle as JD sits up again.

“Yep! Put it in the closet when I hid him in there-”

Perry’s head whips in the direction of his walk-in and he stares at it in horror for a moment, before holding a finger up menacingly at JD.

“Well, it is sure as hell not staying in the closet. And you better hope to God he’s actually litter trained, because so help me, if I go in there tomorrow morning and all my clothes smell like the ever-so-lovely cat piss, or worse, then I will _punish_ you, Newbie…”

He realises his faux pas a second too late, when instead of taking it as a threat, JD’s eyes light up gleefully and he claps his hands together.

“ _Oooh!_ ”

 Perry smacks his arm lightly. “ _Ah-bah-bah_. Keep your ridiculous hair on there, Tiffany- I most certainly do nawt mean that kind of punishment.” Of _course_ JD’s mind immediately ran to a sexual thought, rather than seeing it as a threat. And of course, Perry has to begrudgingly admit to himself that it’s fair enough because for all his over-the-top threats, he wouldn’t legitimately do something to harm JD and both of them know that.

JD makes a slight huffing noise, but snuggles down into his pillow- yes, it may be a pillow that Perry bought, but it has officially become _JD’s pillow_ because on the rare nights that JD’s actually at “his own place,” (they’re probably less than a month now, if he’s honest with himself,), Perry will sometimes breathe in the unmistakeable smell of Newbie, the same scent that lingers in his Porsche nowadays, and imagine that JD was actually there.

If JD knew Perry did that, of course, then Perry would probably flee the country in humiliation.

“Goodnight, Sir Meowsalot,” JD sleepily addresses the cat that’s somewhere in the room (and hopefully _not_ stinking out Perry’s wardrobe,), and though Perry snorts for the _love of God, if your testicles get any smaller they’ll be nothing but grains of salt_ into his own pillow at JD’s sentiment, he finds himself hiding a slight smile.

Maybe letting JD spontaneously bring a kitten into their apartment violates every rule in the hypothetical book on being Perry Cox. Because it’s a _soft_ thing- the kind of thing that normal, emotionally stable people do, and it’s the polar opposite of the kind of image Perry wants to project regarding himself. But, well, so is dating JD- and when he thinks about it, that’s turned out to actually be a pretty good thing.

So when Perry wakes up the next morning in the absolutely humiliating position of both spooning with JD (he claims never to spoon, but always wakes up that way anyway) with the stupid fleabag… okay, fine, the *internal shudder* _cute kitten_ curled between them, he doesn’t even mind…

“Aw, look at us, a little family of three now! All cuddling together. I predict that in no time, you and Sir Meowsalot will be the _best_ of friends…”

“Shut up, Newbie.”

Well, he doesn’t mind as much as he normally would, anyway.


End file.
